Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
