Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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