Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize