Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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