I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
