Your face is a jimmy john
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize