I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize