Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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