New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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