Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
