I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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