im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
