hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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