Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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