im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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