My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
