i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
