There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
