In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The air was thick with penises
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
