Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
