win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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