She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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