I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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