I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
