Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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