well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
