I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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