Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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