She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
