you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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