there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
