dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
