i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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