Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just puked most of my soul out..
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