who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
