Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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