Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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