Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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