I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
