woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
