not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
