so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
