we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
