Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
