Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
