somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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