D3 body, D1 cock
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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