I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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