we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
