I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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