did you get engaged???
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
