im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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