i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
