According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
