he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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