And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
