She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
