so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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