wat bout pragnant strippers??
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
