She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
