if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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