She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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