I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
