and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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