we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
