just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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