If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
