my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
