We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
