I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
