I hope mine doesn't look like that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
