ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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