Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
